You know the old saying:

“Only fools rush in.”

Well, this goes for kissing as much as anything else (even for the spontaneous kiss… I’ll discuss how just below).

A rushed kiss is a bad kiss, plain and simple. Picture a guy in a movie who’s got to go save the world, who grabs a girl and kisses her really fast, then rushes off to go fight monsters or aliens or Nazis or zombies or whatever it is. Is that ever an incredible kiss?

No, it’s not. It’s a rushed kiss… and it’s nice, but it’s emotionless… and it sucks, as far as kisses go.

And that’s no way to kiss a girl.

Kissing a Woman

That in mind, let’s plunge into our bullets on being great at kissing women:

Build some anticipation. She really ought to be trembling by the time your lips touch hers. Lean in… get your mouth very, very close to hers… then stop, just for a split second. Let your breath touch her lips. If she leans forward and tries to kiss you, pull back a little bit so that your lips stay just out of range of hers. You can tease her this way for half a second, or for three seconds, or even longer if you’re a big tease.

Why’s this work? Because women are most attracted to experienced men (see the article on preselection) who know how to lead women.

Begin lightly. Most men plunge inelegantly into a kiss, diving into women’s lips and sometimes even into their mouths, tongue-first. This lack of control and of teasing is not good form, and it’s not a good kiss for a girl. It can even be sloppy, messy, and downright annoying.

Instead, begin by very lightly kissing her lips. You can think of this as “nibbling” on her lips. Kiss one of her lips at a time… don’t try and suck her entire mouth into yours as so many inexperienced kissers are wont to do. Lightly kiss her upper lip… then lightly kiss her lower lip.

At that point, she may be trying to suck your mouth in… but don’t let her.

Not yet.

Wait for her to be almost desperate to kiss you more passionately. You can’t always get this one… if you didn’t build up emotions properly, or if you’re doing a spontaneous manhandle kiss, for instance, she might not always have a strong desire to kiss you passionately – and some girls just aren’t passionate kissers, plain and simple. Some girls don’t even like kissing all that much. But with the ones who like it, and the ones who are excited and passionate, wait for them to reach a fevered pitch before you really dive in.

You’ll know you’ve reached that point when she begins kissing you faster and deeper, grabbing you with her hands, and moaning a bit. The moment that starts happening, she’s reached a threshold where she can no longer contain her desire for you… and it’s time for you to turn the dial up on the heat.

Now, dive in. Once she’s properly bursting at the seams – or, if she isn’t passionate or hasn’t been emotionally primed, then once you’ve spent about 2 or 3 seconds kissing her lightly – now you can open your mouth widely and really start making out. I know, you wanted to do it immediately on kissing her… but trust me, she’ll be blown away at how good a kisser you are by drawing it out just those extra couple of seconds and creating an experience for you.

How exactly do you “dive in?” You do it by kissing her with your mouth open very widely, opening and partially closing it as you kiss her open-mouth. This is easiest to do with your head tilted at an angle compared to hers – she should do this with you naturally.

You want to be passionate here. This is important. A passionate kiss is a great kiss, and if you’re not naturally a passionate person, it’s okay, you can learn. I’m naturally a very dispassionate person (except when I’m angry…), but I’ve had plenty of women tell me I’m very passionate because I trained myself up to be. At first it was a bit odd and forced for me, but these days I don’t even have to think, “Be passionate;” it’s all down pat and automatic at this point. You can make it that way too if you make yourself act passionately (essentially, doing things harder, deeper, and closer).

If you’re naturally passionate, of course, you get a mostly free pass here… but do ask yourself if it’s possible you could be more passionate.
Vary where and how you kiss her. Now that you’re free to kiss her open-mouth, you should just do that the whole time… right?
Wrong. That’s boring! No girl can stay excited by a guy who just keeps kissing her the same way for minutes on end!
Instead, you want to vary things up, between kissing her open-mouth, kissing her lips, and lightly biting her lips. When you kiss her lips, you won’t be doing the same light kissing as you did when you first started kissing her – now you want to kiss her lips deeply and passionately.
Mix up your kissing, kiss her different ways for different lengths of time (measured in seconds, not minutes) – don’t move too erratically from one kiss to the next, but don’t spend so long doing one kiss that the seasons start changing outside, either. You can also change the tilt of your head – this is a very passionate move. Your head might be tilted to your right, and hers to her right, and then you’ll tilt your head to your left and move her head to tilt to her left.

You can change your head tilt multiple times, within even 5 or 6 seconds of each – e.g., start light kissing… 3 seconds later, start passionate kissing… 5 seconds later, change the tilt of your head… 6 seconds later, change it again. After this, you’ll want to pause for a little while… don’t keep changing the tilt, she’ll think you’ve got some massive tic going on! But a little bit of this can be very exciting.

Should you ever French kiss? I’m of the mind that a French (tongue) kiss is an inelegant kiss, and it defuses a lot of passion and removes much intrigue. I think you want to break the “tongue barrier” at some point early (but not too early) into a kiss, just so that she doesn’t think you’re afraid of French kissing or don’t know how, and also so she doesn’t think you’re a stick-in-the mud she has to control herself around if she really likes tongue kissing, but after that you mostly want to leave it alone.

If she wants to do it, fine, but you’ll find what she’ll enjoy even more than you rubbing your tongue back against hers is if, once her tongue darts into your mouth, you kiss her tongue (with your mouth and lips) instead. Not many men (no men?) will ever have done this to her before, and it’s quite exciting and different.

Stop at some point… then go back in. At some point early into kissing her, I strongly recommend you to stop, pull back a bit, and stare directly into her eyes with a small smile on her face. You can compliment her – “You’re a good kisser” – or not, it’s not very important – whatever makes you feel more comfortable. But the important thing is that you do it.
Why’s this important? Basically, it’s good for two reasons:

It lets her feel you’re very in control (which is very attractive to her)

And it prevents her from doing it first (which some women will do to try and seize control over things from you if they want to slow things down or position you more in a boyfriend role or a “some guy who’s trying to get me” role, rather than the lover role or the “some guy she can’t keep her hands off” role that you want established)
Stopping briefly and then resuming is a strong move that ups attraction and unwinds the desire that most stronger women have to seize control of things and direct them the way they want them to go. Essentially, you show a girl that you know how to direct things, and will take them in the most compelling, exciting, fulfilling direction there is.
… and that’s it. If you do all those things, and put together a great experience throughout the course of your interaction with a girl, and follow that up and precede your kiss with a flawless transition, you’ll give her a kiss that will curl her toes.